My prayer today

I went to Garner & Riley Physical Therapy in Bastrop today. They were awesome! As I was talking to my new PT, Scott... I start crying my eyes out! He was great about it. He said it happens a lot. I was embarrassed, of course. I know my chronic pain is wearing me down. Plus quitting smoking, plus being angry about my failed neck surgery, plus grieving a new diagnosis and dreading the spine fusion... I'm just angry Jesus! I know it's ok to tell Him all about it, He can take it! Plus He grieves for me! But my Faith hasn't faltered that You still are with me. Just help me see my progress, not my decline. Help me focus on You and your Love, and not on my pain. Help me remember that through my weakness You are making me whole!

"Praise our God, all peoples,
    let the sound of his praise be heard; 
 he has preserved our lives
    and kept our feet from slipping.
For you, God, tested us;
    you refined us like silver.
You brought us into prison
    and laid burdens on our backs.
You let people ride over our heads;
    we went through fire and water,
    but you brought us to a place of abundance."
                                            Psalm 66:8-12


I know you are purifying me like silver Lord, I just didn't think it was a literal translation! First my hip, now my spine! hahaha

victory is mine!!

My new Surgeon, Dr Matthew Geck, I really like him. He has asked me to quit smoking. He basically said he wouldn't do the surgeries and help me if I didn't quit, but he asked me nicely! hahaha I had wanted to and even tried to for a long time. But it is so incredibly hard to quit! This time he has asked me to quit and be clean for 2 weeks, then he will submit me to a drug screen to make sure the nicotine is out of my system, Then we will schedule the first of the 2 surgeries. The cervical revision. Well today I am 9 days free and clear of a cigarette! I have been so pissed off at the world for the last few days it is unreal! I have been bawling, short-fused, remembering things from the past from when I detoxed from drugs and alcohol! It's been intense. I'm going to push through this. I know I can be victorious!

Welcome!

SO, I've  decided to start writing this journey down. Maybe to help me remember what it was like to go through it all once I triumph through to the other side, or maybe to help someone else who suffers too. One of my major goals in life has been to help others heal emotionally and spiritually, and I always seem to draw from personal experience. What better way to heal yourself than to help another person walk through their own suffering. A very wise friend of mine once told me, "When you are walking through Hell with another person, just remember you get to leave a little bit of your own there behind too." I will never forget that advice.
But for now, It's my own Hell I'm walking through again, not someone else's... so get back Devil! I'm ready for you!